Well for
those of you reading this that at some time this week had access to any sort of
social media...I'm sure you already know. But for those of you who are out of
contact with the 'real word' (i.e. missionaries) I am home.
Honestly
I have been dreading writing this post all week...
I guess I
could start from the beginning, what I have been holding back from my blog for
awhile now. I am injured. I have been having back pain since the middle of
February that in all honesty I have no idea where it came from. One night I had
already laid down to go to bed but had forgotten to set my alarm so I got up
turned my alarm on and when I turned my body to get back into bed my back
popped. I thought "rough day, my body is tired, it will be better tomorrow."
As you can imagine...it wasn't better 'tomorrow'. Anyway after a few days with
the pain I called Hermana Parreño (our mission president's wife) and told her
what had happened.
Later
that week I saw a doctor and he took some x-rays and came to the conclusion
that it was "very probable" that I had herniated the disk L5 - S1 in
my back. I was devastated. BUT he didn't say it was for sure so before paying
for an MRI I was given some alternative things to try for two weeks and if it
wasn't a herniated disk the pain would begin to decrease and I would start
getting better. Well after a fun two weeks of Pilates...it wasn't getting
better. So I talked to the area doctor, he agreed with what the doctor in Punta
Alta had told me and that I needed to go back to get a MRI request. Well I
waited a week and a half for my MRI and I got the opportunity to do that at
3am... #onlyinargentina
Then I
waited a week for my MRI results...That was a week full of worry and anxiety.
Turns
out, no herniated disk. BUT (there is always a but in this story) The doctor in
Punta Alta told me my spine was too straight and lacked the necessary curvature
and because of that my muscles were fighting the structure of my
spine...causing all my pain. So with that there is a special Rehabilitation
program that should help my back regain the correct curvature. So twice a week
for five weeks I did my rehabilitation and everything the doctors asked of
me.
Week
three of the rehab the area doctor called me to tell me that the Church
Missionary Medical Department had looked over my MRI and saw no problem,
EVERYTHING looked fine... and that there is no such thing as too straight of a
back. Well...it wasn't fine. I was still in pain so with high hopes I was given
permission to finish the rehab in hopes that maybe it could fix what ever
unidentifiable problem I have...In this phone call the area doctor told me he
had talked with the Church doctors for awhile and they all believed that if the
pain didn't go away...it would be better for me to come home..I would not
accept that. There is nothing more that I wanted or want than to continue the
work of our Lord and Savior.
Well the
next two weeks...nothing got better. I was still in pain. I was doing
everything I could and...nothing. In this time I spent a lot of time in the
house trying to rest. (Rest being one of many things that 'should have'
helped my back)
Thursday
April 30th I finished my rehabilitation and I was ready to put all my hard work
to the test. My district leader Elder Rodriguez gave me some inspiring
encouragement...Maybe my rehab was like the Atonement. It didn't and couldn't
work until it was finished. Until Christ was resurrected we could not conquer
death, we could not live with our Heavenly Father again, because we would not
live again. But just like Christ conquered death...We all thought. Hermana
Barker can conquer her back...
Well
Friday May 1st I worked almost all day with my amazing companion Hermana
Greene. It was so nice to get out of the house to remember why I was there. Why
I was in Argentina. And from 11 am - 8 pm that day I got to take part in the
work. But (there it is again) at 8 pm my pain persisted and I couldn't keep
going. We went home. I was defeated. I was devastated.
I tried
to stay positive that it was just my first day back. I'm just weak...it's not
the same pain it's 'getting better' pain. Well Saturday I could hardly get out
of my bed and working was a nightmare. That afternoon I called my mission
president to set up an interview with him on Sunday.
Well I think
we all already know how this story ends. He too felt that it was better if I
went home to begin, continue, start over (which ever one you want) my rehab.
So Monday night at 6:00 I got a call from the Assistants saying that I would be leaving Tuesday morning. I traveled for a solid 30 hours and Wednesday Morning at 10:30 I was back in Utah.
Needless to say it was a very quick almost non-existent goodbye...
More than how I ended up home this post is about what I learned before I got home...
Oscar taught me that no matter what we are struggling with. Addictions. Pain. Stubbornness. If we humble our selves The Lord will change us. He will not only make up for what we lack but will give us an over abundance of power to continue conquering satan's temptations and trials. Thank you Oscar.
Rosa taught me that God works in his time. Two of her sons and two of her grandchildren were baptized in the first year they met the missionaries - but she resisted. Missionaries had taught her for months. We never changed what we taught. We just taught the truth. But when we are ready The Lord will change us. He will guide us to our own understanding of the truth. Thank you Rosa.
Sofia taught me that we can be an example no matter the circumstances. Being 10 years old it couldn't have been easy to say - "I want to get baptized" when both your parents and older sister are inactive. But she did. And she did it with courage. Some Sundays she came to church alone. Some Sundays she brought her sister. And one marvelous Sunday she brought her whole family. We are nothing more than instruments in The Lord's hands. If we are worthy and listening, He will help us change them. Thank you Sofia.
Moira taught me something I never believed was possible. My whole mission we worked with flakey investigators. People who wanted so badly to change but just were not willing to change...I had lost hope that the miracle existed where there were people 100% ready to be baptized and they just hadn't listened to the missionaries yet. The only reason they didn't have the truth was because they didn't know where to find it. It's exactly that. Our spiritual brothers and sisters are here, on the Earth, many of them lost, very very lost. Waiting. For us. Waiting. For us to share what we KNOW. It is our time, our opportunity, and our calling to find them. And through us they will find God. If we do our part. God will ALWAYS do his. Thank you Moira.
The 7 1/2 months I had on my mission were the best 7 1/2 months of my life. Not because I explored Argentina. Not because I got to learn Spanish. But because I got to know Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. Really and truly know Them. They love me. I know They love me. I know They love you. I got to understand The Gospel of Jesus Christ. Not just enough that I could teach it. But enough that I can live it. I found my testimony in Bahia Blanca Argentina. I know without a doubt in my mind that Jesus Christ is our Savior. That when we can't, He can. When we feel weak, He can strengthen us. I can't count the times I couldn't lift my feet but I kept walking. I couldn't find words but I kept talking. God and Jesus Christ trusted me and gave me power and strength. While today I can no longer wear my tag - I will always be a missionary of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. If we live our life looking for the things we can do without God we won't find anything. But if we look to God and try to live a life like His son we can do anything.
I want to leave you all with my testimony that I know The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints in the only church of God and that through him - we can. We can conquer Satan. We can know the truth. We can be examples. And we can create miracles. In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.
The First 2 Hugs Mommy and Bubba
Then...Amanda and Aaron
Lunch at The Garden
The a a mini photo shoot...
My momma missed me a whole lot....
Up next... The boys! No one told them I was coming home so I attacked them from the front door with a nerf gun...haha Aiden ran screaming and he didn't even know who it was then when Ethan said my name Aiden ran straight at me and Ethan about tackled me as he jumped off the stairs.
The cute sign my brother made for me that was at the airport with them.
A nice surprise to come home to.
I think Meeka was more excited than anyone..haha
Always,
xoxo
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